🔐 Meet Quentin.
Meet Quentin. "DUDE!!!!!"
100 
...Where Credit is Due
Watch the credits. "Hey...aren't they the guys who made that cool noir detective game?"
60 
🔐 Beat the Snot out of Wellesley
Defeat Wally Wellesley. "Like I said..."
50 
Just a Flesh Wound
Beat a level without dying. "Eight million corpses in this level...and you're not one of them."
40 
Hazard Master
Beat game on Maximum Hazard. "You've done this before, haven't you?"
40 
🔐 Tramm Ride
Defeat the Tentacle Beast of Tramm. "One-two shot right to the tentacles."
40 
🔐 Multiplayer Master!
"What? No multiplayer? Sigh. Well...not like we can take the achievement back NOW...."
30 
🔐 Deja-Vu (All Over Again)
Defeat Sting Sniperscore yet AGAIN in Level 7. "I. Have had. Enough. Of YOU!!"
30 
Feeling Punchy
Get 5 melee kills in a row. "Not as fast as shooting...but it sure is satisfying."
30 
Head of the Class
Score 100 headshots. "Don't lose your head! Oh...too late."
30 
Better than One
Score two headshots with one bullet. "Eat lead...both of you!"
25 
Eat FIST!
Perform 10 single-hit melee kills. "In Hazard Land, the hand can be used like a knife."
25 
Fire Hazard
Shoot and destroy 30 fire extinguishers. "Extinguishers. They're not just for fires anymore."
20 
Uncovered
Destroy 20 cover objects. "I know it's a waste of ammo...but I LOVE that de-rez effect!"
20 
Boom.
Blow up 50 explosive objects. "Hey...I didn't pay for 'em. Why should I care?"
20 
Maxx Karnage
Collect 20 Hazard pickups. "Maxx Karnage...sounds like a cool action hero name."
20 
Shield Master
Collect 20 Master Shields. "It's not like I was afraid of dying...I just wanted the achievement!"
20 
Pseudo-Hazard
Beat game on Major Hazard. "Well...at least you didn't have it set to 'Easy...'"
20 
🔐 Disco is Dead
Defeat Sonny Tang. "Sonny, YOUR ass is kicked!"
20 
🔐 Russian to the Finish
Defeat General Neutronov. "From Hazard, With Love."
20 
🔐 Deja-Vu
Defeat Sting Sniperscope again in Level 3. "Your present ends now. Again."
20 
🔐 Death Hazard
Score 20 single-shot Zombie kills. "Don't these things usually hang out in shopping malls?"
20 
🔐 Your Turn
Defeat Altos Tratus. "Forecast for the next level: no more clouds."
20 
Migraine
Score 50 headshots. "That's using your head!"
20 
It's HAZARD TIME!
"Thanks for buying my game. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. -- Sincerely, Matt Hazard"
15 
Blind Luck
Kill 25 enemies using blind fire. "Sorry. Didn't see you standing there."
15 
🔐 Observe the Grenade
Kill three Testers with one grenade launcher shot. "Test the grenades: check!"
15 
Plink
Get 50 Hazard pistol kills. "Frag you."
10 
Pull!
Get 50 Shotgun kills. "That was a blast!"
10 
Auto Dealer
Get 50 SMG kills. "You would think this one would have been automatic. Get it? Automatic? Nothing?"
10 
Russian Attack
Get 50 AK-47 kills. "They might be socialists, but they make a pretty good gun."
10 
Peekaboo...I Shot You!
Get 50 Sniper Rifle kills. "Zoom, pow! Right to the moon."
10 
Second Amendment
Get a kill with every available gun. "The developers put all those guns in the game for a reason..."
10 
No Pain, No Gain
Kill an enemy with an explosive and take damage. "It'll hurt me more than it hurts...never mind."
10 
Hazard Avoider
Beat the game on Minor Hazard. "Sure you won...my GRANDMOTHER could win on 'Easy!'"
10 
Straight-A Student
Complete all of the in-game tutorials. "Like I had any choice..."
10 
🔐 Stung
Defeat Sting Sniperscope. "Your present ends now."
10 
🔐 Head Cheese
Kill all butcher shop enemies with headshots. "You're not PAYING for ammo. Feel free to use more."
10 
🔐 Meat Your Maker
Blast all hanging beef. "Udder destruction? Steaking a claim? Beating your...I can go on all day."
10 
🔐 Draw
Get 50 Dual-Wield Six-Shooter kills. "Now all we need is the spaghetti..."
10 
🔐 Dances with Guns
Don't let any dance bots die in Level 2. "Do dancing robots dream of disco sheep?"
10 
Hands-On Approach
Defeat an enemy using melee combat. "I don't need a stinkin' gun to deal with YOU!"
10 
🔐 Housing Crisis
Escape from Dexter's mansion. "I gotta get me a house like THAT!"
10 
🔐 Pure Energy
Get 50 Energy Pistol kills. "Blaster? I hardly know 'er!"
10 
🔐 Well, I Heard them Scream
Get 50 Plasma Rifle kills. "Plasma rifles. They're not just for Space Marines anymore."
10 
🔐 Talk!
"What do you mean the interrogation feature was cut?!? Here...just take the achievement."
10 
Headache
Score 20 headshots. "A shot in the head is worth two in the chest."
10 
Say "No" to Pots
Shoot 30 potted plants. "Just sittin' there, bein' all green and stuff. They were askin' for it!"
5 
Take 5.
Pause the game. "Hey...come back here and play!"
5 
🔐 Bedlam Basher
Kill a Bandit from behind with a melee attack. "Good for you. Coward."
5